Memoir Checklist

I work with a lot of women writing memoir, which I believe is some of the bravest and hardest material we could write. Why? Well.. there is an art to writing memoir. Writer and memoir queen, Mary Karr believed it so much she even titled her book The Art of Memoir.

She writes, “I’ve said it’s hard. Here’s how hard: everybody I know who wades deep enough into memory’s waters drowns a little. Between chapters of Stop-Time, Frank Conroy stayed drunk for weeks. Two hours after Carolyn See finished her first draft of Dreaming, she collapsed with viral meningitis, which gave her double vision: “It was my brain’s way of saying, ‘You’ve been looking where you shouldn’t be looking.’” Martin Amis reported a suffocating enervation while working on Experience. Writing fiction, however taxing, usually left him some buoyancy at day’s end; his memoir about his father drained him. Jerry Stahl relapsed while writing about his heroin addiction in Permanent Midnight.”

As many of you know, my background is in trauma and the body, the stories our bodies tell. I came to that thesis work because my body started speaking through the somatic and I couldn’t help but listen. When I began writing my memoir, it was like plunging into the ocean feeling the weight of a whole world I’d forgotten or at least wanted to forget… so these words of Mary karr are, for me at least, undoubtedly true.

A lot of my writing clients come to me thinking writing a book will be easy. They sign up for coaching with a gleam in their eye and I always have to begin by breaking their hearts just a little.

This is going to be hard, I say.. Like you are going to go war with your words, with the stories that rise up in you. They usually smile and go, ‘yeah totally, I know…,’ but they don’t really know. A week or two later neck deep in their writing. They reach out… ‘Megan, I totally see what you were saying. I didn’t know how hard this was going to be.’

Writing, no matter what genre you go for, is going to bring up a lot for you, but memoir is a whole other animal.

Here’s another quote by Mary Karr to drive it home:

“In some ways, writing a memoir is knocking yourself out with your own fist, if it’s done right.”

Okay, so I don’t say all this to scare you away from the process, just to be honest. This is sacred work, so there should be a bit of fear in you, otherwise what are you writing for?

So if you are writing a memoir I’ve created a checklist of all the things to consider as you begin writing yours.

First, some kind of introduction or prologue that sets the tone of the book up for your reader. This could be sharing about where you are now and why you are writing this memoir, or it could be a story that sets up the core message of the story you are re sharing.

Speaking of core messages, there should be an overall theme or message of your memoir that the reader would walk away with. If it doesn’t have a message, then it will feel more like reading a textbook or diary.

Here are some of my favorite memoirs to get inspiration from:

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is a famous memoir by poet Maya Angelou. It chronicles her experience of growing up amid racial bigotry and personal challenge.

Wild by Cheryl Strayed, a woman’s journey hiking the pacific crest trail in search of healing herself and grieving the loss of her mother.

The Liar’s Club by Mary Karr. describes the troubles of growing up in a family and town where heavy alcohol abuse and psychological problems are common issues, in a non linear type fashion.

So as you consider your memoir, what would your messaging be in one sentence? If you can’t narrow it down to a sentence, then the story might be too broad. Hone in. Get specific. There are always more books to be written later.

This really comes down to your book being about a key theme, message or event that changed you. When you identify that, consider the stories that support that message and craft your memoir based on that.

Next, be vulnerable. We read memoir because we crave truth, the hard truth. We don’t want superficial, we want depth. I say this quote all the time, but it’s just true… “no tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.” Wrote the poet, Robert Frost.

If you feel nothing as you’re writing, your writer will feel nothing. You must allow yourself to feel as you write and if you’re not, then perhaps you’re not digging deep enough. Keep going.

Speaking of digging, your memoir needs to be honest. I’m not talking about honesty as in getting every memory right for the sake of liability, that’s a whole other article. I’m talking about the honesty that makes a reader want to spend hours in your writing. Why? Because they want to see themselves on the page. They want a mirror. They want to feel less alone. Our memoirs can do just that if we are honest with ourselves and our reader.

Lastly, pick out a point of time that this memoir is taking place. Is it childhood? Is it during a trip you took in college? Is it during that grunge phrase? It is that ten year span of when you were married, divorced, and married again? Think about the frame of time along with the theme, and what the cause and effect was of this story, and you got yourself a damn good memoir.

Okay, I’m about to drop another hard truth, but you need to hear it. No one wants to read your journal. If your memoir is just a free write, a chance to get all your words on a page, a sort of revenge document, just stop right now. This is great for your process and your healing, and I recommend everyone journal for the sake of inspiration and recovery, but in terms of publishing, just no. Honor your words, honor your craft, honor the reader, and write with intention, premise, and purpose. Don’t know what that is? Go back to your core theme and the stories that hold it.

This leads into the conversation about memoir versus autobiography. There is a difference between them, so let me run through them quickly:

Autobiography typically covers the author’s entire life, they are usually written in chronological order, with the focus on facts and history.

Memoirs on the other hand, usually only cover parts of a person’s life, they can be told chronologically but typically are non-linear covering various parts of the author’s life as it relates to the theme or messaging of the book.

Last up, consider the story arc of your memoir. Can you identify three key stories/ moments that really pronounce the message of your book. Jane Friedman describes these are the big rocks. I love this metaphor.

She writes, The big rocks in your memoir are the key scenes that support your transformation. Why do we start with these “big rocks?” Because if you start with the pebbles (the stories that are interesting, but not pivotal to the story), it’s easy to get sidetracked.

First, look at the big rocks you identified. How are they connected? Do they tell a clear story of transformation? We want to make sure that each big rock builds upon the last, adding complexity to your journey. If it doesn’t, revisit your list of big rocks. Is each one key to your transformation? If not, place it on a back-up list. Then identify what’s missing.

Although your story builds on one main conflict, additional challenges probably weave their way through the story. These will be your subplots or minor themes.

Brilliant right? So as you are mapping your memoir, consider the big rocks and the small pebbles that shape it. If you’re like me and need all the visuals, draw them out. Create an arc and begin to map out the layout with the big rocks at key point and the pebbles weaved in between.

Alright, that’s it for the memoir checklist today! Are you excited? I’m excited! Now go write your memoir and let me know how it goes!

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SUPPORT IN WRITING YOUR BOOK, THEN CHECK OUT MY 1:1 BOOK COACHING WHERE WE WILL WORK TOGETHER TO TAKE YOU FROM BOOK IDEA TO COMPLETE DRAFT.

Megan Febuary is an author, trauma-informed book coach and creative mentor. Helping women write their books, heal their stories, and understand their unique human design. You can learn more about working with Megan at yourbookyear.com